Thursday, December 31, 2009


Calle Cat on House by you.

A Cat makes a great pet and companion. Cats are not only loyal, caring, and affectionate, but they posses a swath of incredible, if lesser-known, abilities:
  • Cats possess superhuman hearing. Cats don't only hear a much wider range of frequencies than us, but their hearing is far more acute.
  • Cats have an incredible sense of smell, superior even to that of a dog. Their sense of smell is fourteen times as powerful as a human's.
  • Cats can see a wider spectrum of light than humans, stretching into the ultraviolet and infrared spectra. This allows them to see through relatively thin objects, and to see the heat emitted by an object.
  • A cat's characteristic slit-shaped cornea acts as a crude polarity filter. This allows a cat to see with reduced glare. This helps with hunting prey under reflective surfaces (e.g. fish).
  • As with all animals other than humans, cats are able to communicate telepathically. This is a rather base form of communication, but it has many advantages. Using this form of ESP, cats are able to sense distress and comfort their friends during trying times.
These abilities combine and culminate to make the cat nature's greatest killing machine. If a cat was as big as a dog, you couldn't trust it not to kill you. It wouldn't be out of malice, but out of pure deadliness. Effectively, hanging around a dog sized cat is equivalent to standing too close to the business end of a thresher... No good will come of it.

Cats' lethality is a mixed blessing. They are the culmination of billions of years of evolution of all that kills in nature, but they also weild this power with a gentle, loving paw. They have tiny little hearts of gold, and want nothing more than to be loved.

Friday, December 11, 2009

SARS Stock

In the whispy winter months of 2003, fiendish micro-organisms spread from the Guangdong region of China to infect and kill scores of humans around the globe.

The gentle, unassuming denizens of Toronto were some of the most adversely affected by this outbreak. It wasn't so much that we were all dying from the illness, it just so happened that enough people died here to generate a media scare that would take a hockey stick to our tourism industry's knees.

With our hotels and restaurants empty, convention centres unbooked, and attractions going unlooked, the local economy was reeling. A few daring groups of individuals, armed with small budgets and big dreams, put together innovative ad campaigns, but the fear of infection was overpowering, and the ads flopped. It was too little, too soon.

For the crisis was too dire; it couldn't be resolved by the whinging of marketing weenies. No, wordly intervention would prove inadequate in the face of this tourism slump. Our eventual redemption came from on high when the Gods and Demi-gods of Rock descended to the earthly realm to cleanse the city with their righteous hymns.

Legions of fans braved searing heat to attend the event. The performances were astonishing, and the fans were not disappointed. There was likely some sort of surge in hotel and restaurant bookings that coincided with the event.

Hearken, Rock Gods, the people of Toronto salute you!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

MEC Cycling Shoe Covers (Unisex)

You can keep your tootsies warm and dry with these cutie booties!

Being made from poly-vinylene propyl-trichlorate, there are very few chemical compounds that can penetrate this material. High winds and torrential rains are no match for the ablation capabilities of these magnificent winged swords of comfort.