Coitus

We learn in all avenues of knowledge throughout life. As children, we learn about the necessities of life. In class, the teacher will ask her pupils to name a few, and they'll reply:

• Food
• Shelter
• Water

And the replies will always be in that order, because children are hungry, while take shelter and water for granted.

After this brief verbal intercourse, the teacher will ask her students if there are any other necessities. They'll scratch their heads for a moment, but find their knowledge lacking. She enlightens them:

• "Sexual reproduction via coitus,"

She'll say. A mist of uncomfortable thought would settle on the room, as the loss of innocence belies a fact that the children all subconsciously knew: two entities of opposite sexes must engage in the copulative act to produce offspring, and this is a cornerstone of almost all life.

As such, any mature individual knows the importance of coitus and will affirm the need for the continuance of the ritual by all species extant in the biosphere.

Cats

A Cat makes a great pet and companion. Cats are not only loyal, caring, and affectionate, but they posses a swath of incredible, if lesser-known, abilities:

• Cats possess superhuman hearing. Cats don't only hear a much wider range of frequencies than us, but their hearing is far more acute.
• Cats have an incredible sense of smell, superior even to that of a dog. Their sense of smell is fourteen times as powerful as a human's.
• Cats can see a wider spectrum of light than humans, stretching into the ultraviolet and infrared spectra. This allows them to see through relatively thin objects, and to see the heat emitted by an object.
• A cat's characteristic slit-shaped cornea acts as a crude polarity filter. This allows a cat to see with reduced glare. This helps with hunting prey under reflective surfaces (e.g. fish).
• As with all animals other than humans, cats are able to communicate telepathically. This is a rather base form of communication, but it has many advantages. Using this form of ESP, cats are able to sense distress and comfort their friends during trying times.

These abilities combine and culminate to make the cat nature's greatest killing machine. If a cat was as big as a dog, you couldn't trust it not to kill you. It wouldn't be out of malice, but out of pure deadliness. Effectively, hanging around a dog sized cat is equivalent to standing too close to the business end of a thresher... No good will come of it.



Cats' lethality is a mixed blessing. They are the culmination of billions of years of evolution of all that kills in nature, but they also weild this power with a gentle, loving paw. They have tiny little hearts of gold, and want nothing more than to be loved.

SARS Stock

In the whispy winter months of 2003, fiendish micro-organisms spread from the Guangdong region of China to infect and kill scores of humans around the globe.

The gentle, unassuming denizens of Toronto were some of the most adversely affected by this outbreak. It wasn't so much that we were all dying from the illness, it just so happened that enough people died here to generate a media scare that would take a hockey stick to our tourism industry's knees.

With our hotels and restaurants empty, convention centres unbooked, and attractions going unlooked, the local economy was reeling. A few daring groups of individuals, armed with small budgets and big dreams, put together innovative ad campaigns, but the fear of infection was overpowering, and the ads flopped. It was too little, too soon.

For the crisis was too dire; it couldn't be resolved by the whinging of marketing weenies. No, wordly intervention would prove inadequate in the face of this tourism slump. Our eventual redemption came from on high when the Gods and Demi-gods of Rock descended to the earthly realm to cleanse the city with their righteous hymns.

Legions of fans braved searing heat to attend the event. The performances were astonishing, and the fans were not disappointed. There was likely some sort of surge in hotel and restaurant bookings that coincided with the event.

Hearken, Rock Gods, the people of Toronto salute you!

MEC Cycling Shoe Covers (Unisex)

You can keep your tootsies warm and dry with these cutie booties!

Being made from poly-vinylene propyl-trichlorate, there are very few chemical compounds that can penetrate this material. High winds and torrential rains are no match for the ablation capabilities of these magnificent winged swords of comfort.

Norco CRD 3

The ride is like stepping onto an infinite, frictionless plane. You feel like one soft push would propel you to the horizon.

Norco's CRD 3 is the acme of modern bicycle design. Incorporating a space-aged aluminum frame, carbon forks and Sora componentry, the frame is light and fast; it's a precision instrument no less suited for conquering hills than a scalpel is for performing delicate surgery.

A day riding this bicycle is a religious experience. Your legs will feel energized as you waft through the misty dawn. Your beating heart will urge the sun along its azimuth as the heat of the day arrives. When your ride concludes, you'll be left spent but thirsting for more of what the CRD3 has to offer.

Panasonic RP-HV250-K Earbuds

Panasonic's RP-HV250-K headphones are great. You can use them to listen to any number of wonderful things: youtube videos, mp3s, podcasts, internet radio, etc.

That these deliver sound to the ear is quite a wonderful thing. Many illuminating works of art, science, journalism and so on have an auditory component; the audio delivered by these RP-HV250-Ks can really shine a light of enjoyment through clouds of profundity, illuminating the intellect and casting shadows on ignorance. They are well worth the ~$10 price tag, especially if you "borrow" a pair that someone else bought.

GoLITE P2

Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), or the dreaded Seasonal Effectiveness Disorder (SED)?

The problem is that not enough neurons from the sun are passing through your eyes and reaching your cornea. It's a serious problem. Without the neutrons to synchronize your biotic clock with the Earth's natural rotation, your inner schedule won't mesh with Mother Nature's, and you'll be glum.

Don't let Nature get you down! Nothing diminishes life like a defeated soul. Inflate your self-worth by blasting yourself twice daily with a healthy dose of blue anions and pro-anions! The harsh light will kick-start your psychic drumbeat and get you back on the road to fruition!

Enjoy Life!